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JUNE 2016.
Clancy Hanson is the owner of successful Melton flag retailer 'Triple Flag Flags'. They are known as the leading Australian flag supplier to all far-right patriot & nationalist groups.
In the wake of the May 2016 Coburg rally, he takes to the Internet to reveal his frustrations with the consistent non-payment of bulk flag orders from the other patriot groups - particularly the United Patriots Front (UPF) and the True Blue Crew (TBC).
He also reveals a shocking surprise - that it was he alone who'd bashed any lefties at all through two years of high-profile far-right patriot rallies. His superior bodily flag coverage had camouflaged him, making him almost invisible amidst a mass of Aussie patriots - hence the confusion.
Determined to address his financial & bashing-related issues with Australian patriots, Mr. Hanson dons the mantle of the 'Five Flag General'... and forms his own patriot group, originally known as the Thousand Flag Patriots.
Financial issues between the Thousand Flag Patriots and other patriot groups escalate when an order for fifteen metric tons of flag is stolen from the Triple Flag Flags factory warehouse. This happens just prior to a June 26 patriot rally in the Melbourne CBD, set on the steps of Parliament House.
Furious, the General attends the rally to 'bash & get cash'. Learning of his attendance, terror sets in for the other patriot groups and they flee to a city park for safety. The General finds himself in the middle of a lefty pack, and stands unchallenged.
UPF AND TBC STOLE ALL ME FKN TRIPLE FLAG FLAGS FLAGS ON THURSDAY THE THOUSAND FLAG PATRIOTS CAME TO BASH N GET CASH ON THE STEPS OF PARLIAMENT hOUSE I STOOD AMONGST THE LEFTIES N DIDNT BASH EM COS NO LEFTY EVER STOLE ALL ME FKN FLAGS I DIDNT GET BASHED - COS THE GENERAL BASHES, HE DOES NOT GET BASHED ??I BASH, THEREFORE, I AM?? TURNS OUT THEY ALL RAN OFF COS THEY HEARD THE GENERAL WAS OUT FOR BLOOD?? THEY WERE OFF ROLLING AROUND IN THE GRASS IN A FKN PARK TOO SCARED TO COME GET BASHED NO ONE STEALS THE GENERALS FLAGS THEY CALLED 400 COPS TO PROTECT THEM FROM ONE MIGHTY FIVE FLAG FKN GENERAL HOPE THEY HAD A NICE PICNIC ??IM FKN COMIN FOR YOUSE??
Posted by Million Flag Patriots on Sunday, 26 June 2016
This makes the Five Flag General the only patriot who made good on his word of appearing at Parliament House steps. It's a bad look for the other groups - and fear begins to spread through their ranks. What will Thousand Flag Patriots' appearance mean for them? Must they all submit to this new, terrifying group?
JULY 2016.
The General reveals that he is the adopted son of Pauline Hanson.
Furthering the good work of Thousand Flag Patriots, the General unveils the Triple Flag. It is the official new flag of Australia. The Triple Flag has 3x as much of everything, and therefore is 3x more patrioty. It includes the red Star of Melton, which all patriots pray to before rallies & bashings.
Another revelation in July is the naming & shaming of 'quarter-patriotism', the systemic weakness infesting all other Australian patriot groups.
AUGUST 2016.
Tensions between patriot groups escalate as TBC member Phill Galea is arrested by the Australian Federal Police on terrorism charges, for plotting to blow up certain well-known leftists. The General offers his support to Galea whilst maintaining his staunchly anti-TBC stance.
In a shock move, the General unveils the Triple Flag in physical form, for its production has finalised - whilst also terminating the Thousand Flag Patriots and unveiling the mighty Million Flag Patriots!
The General assumes the title of MFP's National President. This power-move solidifies his control over Australian patriotism.
At the very end of the month, the General begins to liquidate Triple Flag Flags' excess stock of the old Australian flag, to make way for the Triple Flag. Quarter-patriots take issue with this.
SEPTEMBER 2016.
The Five Flag General becomes literally, physically invincible. Nationwide witch hunts begin by other patriot groups for him. These efforts to stop the General are futile.
At the end of the month, the increasingly powerful MFP storm the Sydney CBD to protest against weak and bashable NSW patriots:
They vanquish the Party for Freedom and claim Sydney CBD as MFP turf.
OCTOBER 2016.
The neo-patriots of MFP form an unlikely alliance with the OG-patriots of A.B. Original. This unification of two separate new super-strands of patriotism further sidelines all Australian quarter-patriot groups.
The MFP organise their first family event: a Children's Flag Burning Family Day BBQ, to be held at Hannah Watts Park in Melton. This offers a fun opportunity for children to burn off the old flag, something that all kids enjoy, whilst helping Triple Flag Flags continue to clear their excess stock.
Sadly, however, MFP are forced to cancel the event when quarter-patriotic members of the Soldiers of Odin threaten to douse in petrol & burn any Aussie kids in attendance. Horrified, the General opts to continue on eliminating the old flag alone - in Flag Disposal Methods #2.
NOVEMBER 2016.
In a strange twist of events, the UPF begins to demonstrate strong leftist tendencies over the US election of Donald Trump - and MFP is forced to enter a lefty rally, unintentionally rolling all Melbourne lefties into neo-patriotism in the process.
DECEMBER 2016.
The Million Flag Patriots hold the world's first-ever neo-patriotic rally, drawing more people than most other Australian patriot groups ever do.
JANUARY 2017.
The Federal Government of Australia acknowledge the Million Flag Patriots, and introduce the 'Neo-Patriot Act 2017'. They run an ad campaign to let people know about the legislative changes ahead of Australia Day:
FEBRUARY 2017.
Tired of attempting to force Australian acknowledgement of its new flag, the General decides that it is the flag-bearers, not the flag, that need eliminating. He kidnaps an Aussie patriot and does away with him, in Flag Disposal Methods #3:
MARCH 2017.
Blair Cottrell (UPF), Neil Erikson and Chris Shortis attend court on religious vilification charges. The Million Flag Patriots attend, to celebrate freedom of speech.
The mainstream media finally acknowledge the Million Flag Patriots as the leaders of Australian patriotism.
APRIL 2017.
The Million Flag Patriots, now indisputably on top of the patriot ladder, give back to Australia by rekindling the Anzac spirit with a luxury Gallipoli cruise package.
MAY 2017.
By the date of the second court appearance of Blair Cottrell related to his religious vilification charges, the UPF have lost their Facebook presence, the most vital lifeline of all for Australian patriotism. The General takes pity and sets aside his differences with Blair, who he sees as his son, and organises a Triple UPF rally outside the courthouse.
JUNE 2017.
In what proves to be an act of hubris that leads to his own undoing, the General insists that Indigenous peoples must let him fly the Aboriginal flag to augment his patriotic optics and provide an easy defence against accusations of racism.
Two enraged Indigenous men upload a shocking retaliation video. They have figured out a way to burn the unburnable Triple Flag. This undoes the first promise of the Five Flag General, still fundamentally a flag dealer by trade; it suggests that his other promises, such as being the unbashable Patriot King of Australia, are also less than genuine.
For a time, the General goes into hiding. Rumours that he is secretly sooking, which is outlawed under the Neo-Patriotic Manifesto, begin to be passed about.
The rumours are proven true: Brigadier Left-Bash, number 2 in the Million Flag Patriots hierarchy, finds the General sooking by a beach. The General ends the Million Flag Patriots. He goes out on the same note that all patriots, it seems, end theirs: as a sook.
WHAT'S NEXT?
The despicable, lowly quarter-patriot movement was replaced by other forms of organised racism - as such, it died, and did not return. The vastly superior neo-patriotic movement began in response to that virus. Therefore, it is suggested by some that as long as quarter-patriots remain in disarray, so are we not likely to see a resurgence of Australian neo-patriotism.
The Five Flag General shut down his flag emporium at 186 High Street, Melton. There are rumours that he has been seen living an itinerant life in Byron Bay and even Bali. A low-res photo of a large man in a ruddy facemask playing a bamboo didgeridoo to a psy-trance beat by Kuta Beach was sent through to the page, but as we cannot verify it, we will not share it here.
It is said that neo-patriotic sleeper cells still dot the nation, awaiting the General's call to fly the Triple again.
